How I Came To The Cross

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The actual change in my life was a very lengthy process. I would say that my youth group started the ball rolling. I had a lot of questions about Christianity at that point and youth group helped fuel my curiosity. I wanted the insight that other Christians had on God. I was very timid getting into an actual relationship with God. Since my dad was a youth pastor for a short while I knew there was a God and I knew He was a personal God. I knew how powerful He is.

I knew I would undergo a huge change if I got into a relationship with Him. I was afraid of that change. I was horrified. I was afraid that God would change my life too much and that I wouldn't like it. I didn't know what to expect from such a powerful Being. Since I had no friends at the start of middle school and making new ones was hard enough as it was, I didn't want God jumping into my life and complicating everything.

At one point I just surrendered. I knew that if my life was going to mean something I had to hand it over to the One who created it. Because if God didn't know the plan for my life--the reason I was created--then who did? I gave my life to Him. As soon as I jumped in that relationship I realized that there was more to Christianity than I ever thought possible. I started trying to make good friends that shared my beliefs. I was trying my hardest to focus on God and youth group. If I recall correctly, that was around the time I started this blog.

I noticed how much a lot of Christians knew the Bible pretty well. I wanted to read the entire Bible. After talking to my dad about it he advised me to start reading the New Testament first and then go back and then go back and read the Old Testament. I began to see the world in a new light. I felt like a veil was lifted off the world and I could see clearer the more I read. I started applying the Bible to my life, it was pretty scary to do at times--it still is. I started seeing connections between Bible verses and I began recording my spiritual observations. I saw God all around me. I was seeking Him and He was showing Himself to me.

The more knowledge I had of God, the more I desired. That hunger is still growing today. I was leaning on God more and more as time passed by. Every time I reflect on my life before I met God it disgusts me more and more. I know God was changing me so He could use me. Use me to make His name known--use my life. I wrote more in depth posts as I gained more and more knowledge of God and His Word.

As I look back now, many emotions flood my mind as I try to explain how God changed my life. There is one song by Reliant K that describes these many feelings. These are some of the lyrics:

When I got tired of running from you I stopped right there to catch my breath
They're your words
They caught my ears
They said, "I miss you son, some home".
And my sins they watch me leave
And in my heart I so believe
The love you felt for me was mine
The love I'd wished for all this time

And when the doors were closed
I heard no I told you so's
I said the words "I knew you knew"
Oh God, Oh God I needed you
God all this time I needed you
I needed you
And I so hate consequences
Running from you is what my best defense is
Cause I don't want to let you down
And I don't want to deal without

Every time I hear that song I am reminded of the amazing love and grace that God has for me. I am reminded of the kid I once was, and the kid I changed into. I am a new creation. The old is gone. The new has come.