The Valley In My Life

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Many people that have come to Christ have done so because God has blessed them with a heavenly smack in the face to finally get them to notice God and turn to Him.  It is usually referred to as a low point in their lives or a "valley".  This is exactly what happened to me a few years ago. My valley consisted of two events that made me notice God; the death of my brother Corey, and my moving to a different school.

I have mentioned my brother Corey in previous posts but I have been very discrete as to who he was and to how he died.  He died in his sleep.  One day my mom received a call from my divorced dad.  My mom looked very heartbroken so I knew it was possibly the news of a death.  I was prepared to hear that a relative of old age had had died.  Corey was the last person I could have ever suspected.

About a month or so before his death I felt the urge to know Corey better and I told my dad and step-mom so.  They started prodding him to spend some one on one time with me, so he did.  Every time I remember him I always remember a time we went fishing together.  We were both in a small paddle boat on a lake and we fished what felt like all day.  He caught fish one after the other while I caught none.  Wherever he thought there was a fish we paddled the boat to that spot so that I could cast my line and hope I caught something.  I didn't catch a single fish that day, but I gained a memory that will be forever branded in my mind.  He persisted that I would try my luck casting my  line at "that spot over there" where we heard a fish jump.  Corey tried countless times in vain to help me catch one lousy fish.  It was a simple act of love, one I will never forget.

Without the little moments like those I probably wouldn't have felt as close to him when he died.  But it wasn't the closeness that hurt so much as the yearning to know him better, wishing I was closer to him.  That's what hurt the most.

Staring at my step-brother in that casket -- the step-brother that was once full of life.  It ignited a persisting question in my head:  Is that all there is to life?

It ate away at me.  I had just been awoken to how spontaneous life can be, and how spontaneous death can be.  In the big picture it all seemed so empty.  Life.  Death.  Then what?  What about Heaven?  What about God?  I hadn't really given much deep thought about what a Heaven or a Hell implied.  I began to think more about God.  I wanted to figure God out.

Now let us transition to the other root cause for my journey to the cross:  My changing of schools.

When I first heard about it I was in shock.  I had to go to a different middle school than all the friends I had known since kindergarten.  I would have to start from scratch.  I would have to make a new reputation for myself.  Honestly, I was glad for that because that reputation I had in my previous school wasn't that great.  I was perverted, therefore I attracted friends that were perverted as well.  By the end of the fifth grade I has turned into the friend that nobody wanted to have.  I was constantly getting into trouble and I had a sharp tongue that makes me cringe now.  If I had a time machine I would go back to that time for the sole reason of smacking myself to the ground and telling the old Caleb to pull it together!

This was my valley.  I hate it with a fierce passion, but I also love it, because I know I wouldn't know Jesus without it.