The Valley In My Life

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Many people that have come to Christ have done so because God has blessed them with a heavenly smack in the face to finally get them to notice God and turn to Him.  It is usually referred to as a low point in their lives or a "valley".  This is exactly what happened to me a few years ago. My valley consisted of two events that made me notice God; the death of my brother Corey, and my moving to a different school.

I have mentioned my brother Corey in previous posts but I have been very discrete as to who he was and to how he died.  He died in his sleep.  One day my mom received a call from my divorced dad.  My mom looked very heartbroken so I knew it was possibly the news of a death.  I was prepared to hear that a relative of old age had had died.  Corey was the last person I could have ever suspected.

About a month or so before his death I felt the urge to know Corey better and I told my dad and step-mom so.  They started prodding him to spend some one on one time with me, so he did.  Every time I remember him I always remember a time we went fishing together.  We were both in a small paddle boat on a lake and we fished what felt like all day.  He caught fish one after the other while I caught none.  Wherever he thought there was a fish we paddled the boat to that spot so that I could cast my line and hope I caught something.  I didn't catch a single fish that day, but I gained a memory that will be forever branded in my mind.  He persisted that I would try my luck casting my  line at "that spot over there" where we heard a fish jump.  Corey tried countless times in vain to help me catch one lousy fish.  It was a simple act of love, one I will never forget.

Without the little moments like those I probably wouldn't have felt as close to him when he died.  But it wasn't the closeness that hurt so much as the yearning to know him better, wishing I was closer to him.  That's what hurt the most.

Staring at my step-brother in that casket -- the step-brother that was once full of life.  It ignited a persisting question in my head:  Is that all there is to life?

It ate away at me.  I had just been awoken to how spontaneous life can be, and how spontaneous death can be.  In the big picture it all seemed so empty.  Life.  Death.  Then what?  What about Heaven?  What about God?  I hadn't really given much deep thought about what a Heaven or a Hell implied.  I began to think more about God.  I wanted to figure God out.

Now let us transition to the other root cause for my journey to the cross:  My changing of schools.

When I first heard about it I was in shock.  I had to go to a different middle school than all the friends I had known since kindergarten.  I would have to start from scratch.  I would have to make a new reputation for myself.  Honestly, I was glad for that because that reputation I had in my previous school wasn't that great.  I was perverted, therefore I attracted friends that were perverted as well.  By the end of the fifth grade I has turned into the friend that nobody wanted to have.  I was constantly getting into trouble and I had a sharp tongue that makes me cringe now.  If I had a time machine I would go back to that time for the sole reason of smacking myself to the ground and telling the old Caleb to pull it together!

This was my valley.  I hate it with a fierce passion, but I also love it, because I know I wouldn't know Jesus without it.

Update

I haven't had access to the internet for a while.  Just so people don't think I'm a hypocrite, I am dating again.  My relationship with God has improved tremendously.  I will be releasing a short series of posts focused on how I came to be a Christian, I'm even drawing pictures to go with them (yes, it's that awesome!).  So stay tuned . . .

Never Surrender

We all have times when we don't feel special, and we are all wrong for thinking this.  We are all very special to God.  Jesus died for you, he died so you could live without the horrible guilt of sin weighing you down.  God gives all of us a purpose in life, to live for Him, to spread the word of His love and glorify Him.  Everyone that commits suicide takes God's plan for granted.

Some people would justify suicide by saying that they want to get to Heaven faster.  There are no shortcuts to Heaven.  Throwing away precious life that God breathed into you isn't going to get anyone into Heaven.

Suicide is a very tragic thing.  It is not tragic in the way that a murder is or a shooting is.  Suicide is tragic because the person who took their own life should have known better, it is tragic because it is stupid.  There is no way to justify a suicide, I don't care how you look at it. 

Suicide takes the lives of 30,000 Americans every year, and all of them are preventable.  If you are depressed, just ask the God of Comfort to comfort you and cast out your worries to Him.  You are underestimating God if you think He can't comfort you and forgive you of anything you feel guilty about.  God is bigger than any problem you have, He can and will help you overcome any problem you have if you let Him.  The reason anyone is depressed is because they think their current situation will never change.  When I am depressed I always have to remind myself that to be in time means to change.  As long as we are on earth our situation will always change.

When someone thinks life isn't worth living anymore because they are hated, I think they should take a look at Jesus' life.  He was hated so much that there were attempts on his life before he was crucified.  He only had twelve people that he trusted and one of them stabbed him in the back.  He had to resist every temptation that came his way, that is harder than even we could imagine.  Jesus had to endure all this and he never once considered killing himself.  He did all this so you could inherit eternal life.  He didn't give up on any of us, why should we give up on him?

Suicide is the most selfish thing a person could do.  The only person you think about during the act of suicide is yourself.  You think that you wouldn't be missed?  Death always devastates someone. 

I pray I have proved in this post that suicide is never worth it.  It is the stupidest most selfish thing a person can do.  Never surrender yourself to such a tragedy.